<!DOCTYPE html><html xmlns:cc="http://creativecommons.org/ns#"><head prefix="og: http://ogp.me/ns# fb: http://ogp.me/ns/fb# medium-com: http://ogp.me/ns/fb/medium-com#"><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1"><title>Hurricane Harvey Presents: The Trumps — Photo Op Road</title><link rel="canonical" href="https://extranewsfeed.com/hurricane-harvey-presents-the-trumps-photo-op-road-44ccd1108c98"><meta name="title" content="Hurricane Harvey Presents: The Trumps — Photo Op Road"><meta name="referrer" content="unsafe-url"><meta name="description" content="Heartbreak, angst, devastation, chaos and a desperate will to survive. 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data-redirect="https://extranewsfeed.com/hurricane-harvey-presents-the-trumps-photo-op-road-44ccd1108c98" data-action-source="post_header_lockup"><span class="button-label  button-defaultState">Blocked</span><span class="button-label button-hoverState">Unblock</span></button><button class="button button--primary button--smallest u-noUserSelect button--withChrome u-accentColor--buttonNormal button--follow js-followButton u-marginLeft10 u-xs-hide"  data-action="sign-up-prompt" data-sign-in-action="toggle-subscribe-user" data-requires-token="true" data-redirect="https://medium.com/_/subscribe/user/2dfa2980c666" data-action-source="post_header_lockup-2dfa2980c666-------------------------follow_byline"><span class="button-label  button-defaultState js-buttonLabel">Follow</span><span class="button-label button-activeState">Following</span></button></span></div><div class="ui-caption ui-xs-clamp2 postMetaInline">Bouchard (1967-Now) is an American “writer” &amp; “humorist.” A cyclist, he’s tied w/ Lance Armstrong in Tour de France wins. Combined w/ Jeff Bezos, is worth $100B</div><div class="ui-caption postMetaInline js-testPostMetaInlineSupplemental"><time datetime="2017-08-31T01:01:35.296Z">Aug 30, 2017</time><span class="middotDivider u-fontSize12"></span><span class="readingTime" title="6 min read"></span></div></div></div></div></div></header><div class="postArticle-content js-postField js-notesSource js-trackedPost"  data-post-id="44ccd1108c98" data-source="post_page" data-collection-id="7ab714ab058c" data-tracking-context="postPage"><section name="81fc" class="section section--body section--first section--last"><div class="section-divider"><hr class="section-divider"></div><div class="section-content"><div class="section-inner sectionLayout--insetColumn"><h1 name="e581" id="e581" class="graf graf--h3 graf--leading graf--title">Hurricane Harvey Presents: The Trumps — Photo Op Road</h1><h2 name="08a1" id="08a1" class="graf graf--h4 graf-after--h3 graf--subtitle">This Weak in Politics, Vol. XCI</h2></div><div class="section-inner sectionLayout--outsetColumn"><figure name="6603" id="6603" class="graf graf--figure graf--layoutOutsetCenter graf-after--h4"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 1000px; max-height: 610px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 61%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*K1ZJL95uBJBTLquASqebfg.jpeg" data-width="2000" data-height="1220" data-action="zoom" data-action-value="1*K1ZJL95uBJBTLquASqebfg.jpeg" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/2000/1*K1ZJL95uBJBTLquASqebfg.jpeg"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">President Trump, a wrestling magnate, a grain expert and FLOTUS (we think — hard to tell without a hat). The President may perform some of his favorite Beatles songs, which include: “Please Please Me,” ” Love, Love Me, Do” “Baby (I’m) A Rich Man,” and “Can Buy Me Love.”</figcaption></figure></div><div class="section-inner sectionLayout--insetColumn"><p name="6bf0" id="6bf0" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">August 31, 2017</p><p name="d09f" id="d09f" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Heartbreak, angst, devastation, chaos and a desperate will to survive. But before we cover White House staff, we will cover Hurricane Harvey, which we are told many people are saying is epic and historic and about which we’re told, “Probably there has never been anything so expensive in our country’s history, we’ve never done anything so historic in terms of damage and in terms of ferocity as what we’ve witnessed with Harvey.” We will give a free bag of Cheetos* to the first reader who can guess where that quote came from.</p><p name="7b4c" id="7b4c" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">*Taxes, shipping and handling not included.</em></p><p name="5c8d" id="5c8d" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Indeed, though, history has a way of shaping people as much as people shape history. As such this week, professional clown/amateur president, Donald J. Trump had his opportunity to shine. And shine he did — if you define shining as pardoning racists and plugging hats.</p><p name="e58a" id="e58a" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">As for the Hurricane, scientists believe Harvey was made more powerful because surface ocean water heated by climate change provided additional moisture, fueling the then tropical storm as it made its way to the coast. Republicans believe the hurricane was caused by low barometric pressure, high winds <a href="http://bit.ly/2vpIWMC" data-href="http://bit.ly/2vpIWMC" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">and lesbians</a>.</p><p name="fd1c" id="fd1c" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">In case you were wondering, it was “Ann” Coulter who this time discussed the possible influence of lesbianism on tropical storms, not Pat Robertson who has fallen off his high horse as of late. <a href="http://abcn.ws/2xKITHQ" data-href="http://abcn.ws/2xKITHQ" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Literally.</a> And, in case you were wondering, Coulter doesn’t truly believe God used the hurricane to punish lesbians, he merely said that explanation was more plausible than science. Clarification duly noted.</p><figure name="4948" id="4948" class="graf graf--figure graf--layoutOutsetLeft graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 460px; max-height: 320px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 69.6%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*7T2jD9gdIuUpPdFG_MeNlg.jpeg" data-width="460" data-height="320" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1200/1*7T2jD9gdIuUpPdFG_MeNlg.jpeg"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">He doesn’t look like he’d be a self-absorbed dick. Yeah, we went there…we facially profiled.</figcaption></figure><p name="f99a" id="f99a" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">But that doesn’t mean the pseudo God Squad sat quietly during this storm. Pastor Joel Osteen, for example, was busy delaying the response of his organization, (Fakewood Church, Houston) to the floods, and justifying doing so. In fairness to Osteen, there are apparently no references to flooding and taking in living things during such an event in the bible, so we understand his confusion.</p><p name="b9fe" id="b9fe" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Also, we have learned his church is not called Fakewood. It is called “Lakewon’t.” We regret the error.</em></p><p name="d03b" id="d03b" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Before we leave God and move back to the President (and yes, Sean Hannity, they are two different entities/deities), Jim Bakker resurfaced this week. The thing about draining the swamp is that it brings all the swamp creatures back to the surface.</p><figure name="5de1" id="5de1" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 640px; max-height: 481px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 75.2%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*9oAq5mcsyJjtQaH_Df1Spw.jpeg" data-width="640" data-height="481" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*9oAq5mcsyJjtQaH_Df1Spw.jpeg"></div></figure><p name="7b32" id="7b32" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">Bakker surfaced this week to say that if Trump is impeached, Christians will rise up and begin a new civil war. While this may sound like an idol threat (see what we did there?), remember, Christians will be far more combat ready than the non-Christians what with the getting rid of the transgenders and all.</p><p name="03de" id="03de" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Back to Trump, he has been handling hurricane Harvey with all the modesty we have come to expect: He called the storm epic! Historic! Unprecedented! and added that many people are saying it’s the worst storm they’ve ever seen! Even experts have seen nothing like it! Then he hinted at congratulating himself and his team, but showed restraint by adding “We won’t say ‘congratulations.’ We don’t want to do that. We will congratulate each other when it’s all finished.” Then he stepped outside a Corpus Christi fire station and said “What a crowd, what a turnout!” We can only imagine the ratings he earned on that one.</p><p name="97c3" id="97c3" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Texas Republicans were also quick to say that this storm was massive and unpredictable — that no one could have predicted such a devastating event in the gulf. Well no one except for Al Gore. And The United Nations. And Michael Mann, and 97% of the world’s climate scientists. And everyone who has read a newspaper. Or a book. Or words.</p><figure name="d1d3" id="d1d3" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 615px; max-height: 382px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 62.1%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*iX7tuLx7yydPYLTKgyEt_w.png" data-width="615" data-height="382" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*iX7tuLx7yydPYLTKgyEt_w.png"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">Texas Republicans have had it up to here with climate alarmists. Note: Were this photo real and untouched (insert Blake Farenthold joke here) we would have rescued these elected officials. Including <a href="https://twitter.com/TXRandy14/status/901177713934913536" data-href="https://twitter.com/TXRandy14/status/901177713934913536" class="markup--anchor markup--figure-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Randy Weber, provided he showed his ID</a></figcaption></figure><p name="9991" id="9991" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">While Trump seems to have neither visited with victims of the storm, nor, you know…mentioned them, actual first responders have shown their resilience, their bravery and their tirelessness. No joke, there are heroes among us and they inspire.</p><p name="2a35" id="2a35" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">And the truth is, the emergency management and recovery efforts underway have been relatively smooth and effective. Experts attribute the readiness of federal authorities to lessons learned from previous storms, notably Katrina and Rita. Conservatives attribute the smooth handling of the storm to the transgender ban and Neal Gorsuch’s confirmation.</p><p name="52cd" id="52cd" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Perhaps the best thing the president did during this storm was to let the grown ups handle it so he could tweet and be haberdasher in chief.</p><figure name="5403" id="5403" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 700px; max-height: 376px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 53.800000000000004%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*QZovNazHos3440---xKnCA.jpeg" data-width="800" data-height="430" data-action="zoom" data-action-value="1*QZovNazHos3440---xKnCA.jpeg" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*QZovNazHos3440---xKnCA.jpeg"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">Donald Trump, aka The “I” of The Storm</figcaption></figure><p name="81a0" id="81a0" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">The initial response to the Hurricane seemed a little shaky when it appeared that our nation’s emergency preparedness approach began with the words “Hey! Anybody got a boat?”</p><p name="9f41" id="9f41" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">We are not saying that we are skeptical of the President and his adviser’s role in the hurricane effort, but remember, this is a crew who forgot to book a hotel room for the president at the G20.</p><figure name="7260" id="7260" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 700px; max-height: 677px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 96.7%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*2ZqL0UIsGD3AWGIrQmHQBQ.jpeg" data-width="1416" data-height="1369" data-action="zoom" data-action-value="1*2ZqL0UIsGD3AWGIrQmHQBQ.jpeg" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*2ZqL0UIsGD3AWGIrQmHQBQ.jpeg"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">People from across the nation and across the spectrum rose to help victims of Hurricane Harvey, as evidenced by this elderly hat salesman and his granddaughter hitchhiking in the rain just to lend a small hand.</figcaption></figure><p name="be86" id="be86" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">Okay, so that last photo was a joke. You probably recognized that wasn’t just any old hat salesman, it was our President, Donald J. Popeil. We will not be so immature as to criticize the shoe choice of those headed to Texas as others have done. We will simply show the photo, and allow you to make your own judgements.</p><figure name="02c9" id="02c9" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 406px; max-height: 583px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 143.6%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*X3sUYCy0EHH6Of8NFhyc9A.jpeg" data-width="406" data-height="583" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*X3sUYCy0EHH6Of8NFhyc9A.jpeg"></div><figcaption class="imageCaption">In our view, the first family can wear whatever shoes they want. Though the President may want to avoid using the restroom in Governor Abbott’s presence.</figcaption></figure><p name="5c6e" id="5c6e" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">In the category of “non-hurricane news, but news that blows nonetheless,” Trump started the week by pardoning racist sheriff Joe Arpaiao, also known as “America’s Racist Sheriff.”</p><p name="00ca" id="00ca" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">And before you accuse us of writing that racist Joe Arpaio is a racist just to increase the number of google results linking Arpaio to his racism, you should know, we have done our research. Here are the results when you Google a given name and the word racist:</p><p name="85d9" id="85d9" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Joe Arpaio: 1,290<br>Tom Metzger (who is famous exclusively for being a racist): 253<br>Mother Teresa: 222<br>Mr. Rogers: 8*</p><p name="2079" id="2079" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">*Yeah, we were surprised too. And while you are here, reading in the asterisks, we can’t resist telling you that Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, III produced 40,500 results.</em></p><figure name="8808" id="8808" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked" style="max-width: 700px; max-height: 215px;"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 30.8%;"></div><img class="graf-image" data-image-id="1*0cO0tV32YX2pozwQIA--Nw.jpeg" data-width="2093" data-height="644" data-action="zoom" data-action-value="1*0cO0tV32YX2pozwQIA--Nw.jpeg" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*0cO0tV32YX2pozwQIA--Nw.jpeg"></div></figure><p name="4a37" id="4a37" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">Trying to describe Joe Arpaio without mentioning he’s a racist would be like describing a giraffe without mentioning its neck, or describing Ted Cruz without mentioning he’s a giant douchenozzle. We kid Ted. Everyone loves Ted. Especially kids.</p><figure name="2506" id="2506" class="graf graf--figure graf--iframe graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder-fill" style="padding-bottom: 55.900000000000006%;"></div><div class="iframeContainer"><IFRAME data-width="435" data-height="243" width="435" height="243" src="/media/b1068c53321588773ba8e2a928ec7fee?postId=44ccd1108c98" data-media-id="b1068c53321588773ba8e2a928ec7fee" data-thumbnail="https://i.embed.ly/1/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2Fw5fg0B7mkBFjG%2F200.gif&amp;key=a19fcc184b9711e1b4764040d3dc5c07" allowfullscreen frameborder="0"></IFRAME></div></div></figure><p name="63a5" id="63a5" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where a president can announce his plan to give massive tax cuts to the wealthy immediately after visiting a disaster where emergency administrators are begging people to let the nation borrow their boat, and where the very agencies that predicted the storm and manage its impact are being <strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">cut</em></strong> by 6% and 9% respectively. And where Joe Arpaio is a racist.</p><p name="f84c" id="f84c" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">But man, she really did rock those shoes.</p><p name="6e1a" id="6e1a" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Note: We believe in laughter and gallows humor as a coping mechanism. This week’s news has been both heartbreaking and heartwarming, and our laughter is no sign of disrespect or insensitivity. Our hearts go out to the victims of Hurricane Harvey, and our hats (not available on our website), go off to the heroes — both paid first responders and the everyday people — Americans (</em><a href="http://www.chron.com/news/politics/texas/article/Abbott-Mexico-offer-accepted-for-Hurricane-12162261.php" data-href="http://www.chron.com/news/politics/texas/article/Abbott-Mexico-offer-accepted-for-Hurricane-12162261.php" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">and Mexicans</em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">) who know and embrace the fact that we are all in this thing together. To help the victims and the relief efforts, we recommend </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/8/27/16211642/hurricane-harvey-donations-charities-disaster-relief" data-href="https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/8/27/16211642/hurricane-harvey-donations-charities-disaster-relief" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">this resource for your charitable giving</em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">, courtesy of Vox.</em></p><p name="f6ce" id="f6ce" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p graf--trailing"><strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on </em></strong><a href="https://medium.com/@stevebouchard" data-href="https://medium.com/@stevebouchard" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" target="_blank"><strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Medium.com</em></strong></a><strong class="markup--strong markup--p-strong"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em"> and on twitter at @sbouchard67</em></strong></p></div></div></section></div><footer class="u-paddingTop10"><div class="container u-maxWidth740"><div class="row"><div class="col u-size12of12"></div></div><div class="row"><div class="col u-size12of12 js-postTags"><div class="u-paddingBottom10"><ul class="tags tags--postTags tags--borderless"><li><a class="link u-baseColor--link"   href="https://extranewsfeed.com/tagged/politics?source=post" data-action-source="post" data-collection-slug="extra-extra">Politics</a></li><li><a class="link u-baseColor--link"   href="https://extranewsfeed.com/tagged/donald-trump?source=post" 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C35.9421928,112.004153 17.0070768,100.118791 7.66922967,81.661427 L6.33077033,82.338573 C15.9215495,101.295887 35.3710985,113.504153 57,113.504153 C78.6289015,113.504153 98.0784505,101.295887 107.66923,82.338573 L106.33077,81.661427 Z"></path></svg></div></div></a></div><div class="u-tableCell u-verticalAlignMiddle u-breakWord u-paddingLeft15"><h3 class="ui-h3 u-fontSize18 u-lineHeightTighter"><a class="link link--primary u-accentColor--hoverTextNormal"   href="https://extranewsfeed.com/@stevebouchard" property="cc:attributionName" title="Go to the profile of Steve Bouchard" aria-label="Go to the profile of Steve Bouchard" rel="author cc:attributionUrl" data-user-id="2dfa2980c666" data-collection-slug="extra-extra" dir="auto">Steve Bouchard</a></h3><div class="ui-caption u-textColorGreenNormal u-fontSize13 u-tintSpectrum u-accentColor--textNormal u-marginBottom7">Medium member since Feb 2018</div><p class="ui-body u-fontSize14 u-lineHeightBaseSans u-textColorDark u-marginBottom4">Bouchard (1967-Now) is an American “writer” &amp; “humorist.” A cyclist, he’s tied w/ Lance Armstrong in Tour de France wins. Combined w/ Jeff Bezos, is worth $100B</p></div></li></div><div class="col u-size6of12 u-xs-size12of12 u-xs-marginTop30"><li class="uiScale uiScale-ui--small uiScale-caption--regular u-block u-paddingBottom18 js-cardCollection"><div class="u-marginLeft20 u-floatRight"><button class="button button--primary button--small u-noUserSelect button--withChrome u-accentColor--buttonNormal js-relationshipButton"  data-action="sign-up-prompt" data-sign-in-action="toggle-follow-collection" data-requires-token="true" data-redirect="https://medium.com/_/subscribe/collection/extra-extra" data-action-source="----7ab714ab058c----------------------follow_footer" data-collection-id="7ab714ab058c"><span class="button-label  js-buttonLabel">Follow</span></button></div><div class="u-tableCell "><a class="link u-baseColor--link avatar avatar--roundedRectangle"   href="https://extranewsfeed.com?source=footer_card" title="Go to Extra Newsfeed" aria-label="Go to Extra Newsfeed" data-action-source="footer_card" data-collection-slug="extra-extra"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/fit/c/120/120/1*F2KZiOmZNn5Zye348fh7sw.png" class="avatar-image u-size60x60" alt="Extra Newsfeed"></a></div><div class="u-tableCell u-verticalAlignMiddle u-breakWord u-paddingLeft15"><h3 class="ui-h3 u-fontSize18 u-lineHeightTighter u-marginBottom4"><a class="link link--primary u-accentColor--hoverTextNormal"   href="https://extranewsfeed.com?source=footer_card" rel="collection" data-action-source="footer_card" data-collection-slug="extra-extra">Extra Newsfeed</a></h3><p class="ui-body u-fontSize14 u-lineHeightBaseSans u-textColorDark u-marginBottom4">the same political rants you see on Facebook, but they’re well written.</p><div class="buttonSet"></div></div></li></div></div></div><div class="js-postFooterPlacements"></div><div class="u-padding0 u-clearfix u-backgroundGrayLightest u-print-hide supplementalPostContent js-responsesWrapper"></div><div class="supplementalPostContent 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The President may perform some of his favorite Beatles songs, which include: “Please Please Me,” ” Love, Love Me, Do” “Baby (I’m) A Rich Man,” and “Can Buy Me Love.”","markups":[],"layout":3,"metadata":{"id":"1*K1ZJL95uBJBTLquASqebfg.jpeg","originalWidth":2000,"originalHeight":1220}},{"name":"6bf0","type":1,"text":"August 31, 2017","markups":[]},{"name":"d09f","type":1,"text":"Heartbreak, angst, devastation, chaos and a desperate will to survive. But before we cover White House staff, we will cover Hurricane Harvey, which we are told many people are saying is epic and historic and about which we’re told, “Probably there has never been anything so expensive in our country’s history, we’ve never done anything so historic in terms of damage and in terms of ferocity as what we’ve witnessed with Harvey.” We will give a free bag of Cheetos* to the first reader who can guess where that quote came from.","markups":[]},{"name":"7b4c","type":1,"text":"*Taxes, shipping and handling not included.","markups":[{"type":2,"start":0,"end":43}]},{"name":"5c8d","type":1,"text":"Indeed, though, history has a way of shaping people as much as people shape history. As such this week, professional clown/amateur president, Donald J. Trump had his opportunity to shine. And shine he did — if you define shining as pardoning racists and plugging hats.","markups":[]},{"name":"e58a","type":1,"text":"As for the Hurricane, scientists believe Harvey was made more powerful because surface ocean water heated by climate change provided additional moisture, fueling the then tropical storm as it made its way to the coast. Republicans believe the hurricane was caused by low barometric pressure, high winds and lesbians.","markups":[{"type":3,"start":303,"end":315,"href":"http://bit.ly/2vpIWMC","title":"","rel":"","anchorType":0}]},{"name":"fd1c","type":1,"text":"In case you were wondering, it was “Ann” Coulter who this time discussed the possible influence of lesbianism on tropical storms, not Pat Robertson who has fallen off his high horse as of late. Literally. And, in case you were wondering, Coulter doesn’t truly believe God used the hurricane to punish lesbians, he merely said that explanation was more plausible than science. Clarification duly noted.","markups":[{"type":3,"start":194,"end":204,"href":"http://abcn.ws/2xKITHQ","title":"","rel":"","anchorType":0}]},{"name":"4948","type":4,"text":"He doesn’t look like he’d be a self-absorbed dick. Yeah, we went there…we facially profiled.","markups":[],"layout":4,"metadata":{"id":"1*7T2jD9gdIuUpPdFG_MeNlg.jpeg","originalWidth":460,"originalHeight":320}},{"name":"f99a","type":1,"text":"But that doesn’t mean the pseudo God Squad sat quietly during this storm. Pastor Joel Osteen, for example, was busy delaying the response of his organization, (Fakewood Church, Houston) to the floods, and justifying doing so. In fairness to Osteen, there are apparently no references to flooding and taking in living things during such an event in the bible, so we understand his confusion.","markups":[]},{"name":"b9fe","type":1,"text":"Also, we have learned his church is not called Fakewood. It is called “Lakewon’t.” We regret the error.","markups":[{"type":2,"start":0,"end":103}]},{"name":"d03b","type":1,"text":"Before we leave God and move back to the President (and yes, Sean Hannity, they are two different entities/deities), Jim Bakker resurfaced this week. The thing about draining the swamp is that it brings all the swamp creatures back to the surface.","markups":[]},{"name":"5de1","type":4,"text":"","markups":[],"layout":1,"metadata":{"id":"1*9oAq5mcsyJjtQaH_Df1Spw.jpeg","originalWidth":640,"originalHeight":481}},{"name":"7b32","type":1,"text":"Bakker surfaced this week to say that if Trump is impeached, Christians will rise up and begin a new civil war. While this may sound like an idol threat (see what we did there?), remember, Christians will be far more combat ready than the non-Christians what with the getting rid of the transgenders and all.","markups":[]},{"name":"03de","type":1,"text":"Back to Trump, he has been handling hurricane Harvey with all the modesty we have come to expect: He called the storm epic! Historic! Unprecedented! and added that many people are saying it’s the worst storm they’ve ever seen! Even experts have seen nothing like it! Then he hinted at congratulating himself and his team, but showed restraint by adding “We won’t say ‘congratulations.’ We don’t want to do that. We will congratulate each other when it’s all finished.” Then he stepped outside a Corpus Christi fire station and said “What a crowd, what a turnout!” We can only imagine the ratings he earned on that one.","markups":[]},{"name":"97c3","type":1,"text":"Texas Republicans were also quick to say that this storm was massive and unpredictable — that no one could have predicted such a devastating event in the gulf. Well no one except for Al Gore. And The United Nations. And Michael Mann, and 97% of the world’s climate scientists. And everyone who has read a newspaper. Or a book. Or words.","markups":[]},{"name":"d1d3","type":4,"text":"Texas Republicans have had it up to here with climate alarmists. Note: Were this photo real and untouched (insert Blake Farenthold joke here) we would have rescued these elected officials. Including Randy Weber, provided he showed his ID","markups":[{"type":3,"start":199,"end":237,"href":"https://twitter.com/TXRandy14/status/901177713934913536","title":"","rel":"","anchorType":0}],"layout":1,"metadata":{"id":"1*iX7tuLx7yydPYLTKgyEt_w.png","originalWidth":615,"originalHeight":382}},{"name":"9991","type":1,"text":"While Trump seems to have neither visited with victims of the storm, nor, you know…mentioned them, actual first responders have shown their resilience, their bravery and their tirelessness. No joke, there are heroes among us and they inspire.","markups":[]},{"name":"2a35","type":1,"text":"And the truth is, the emergency management and recovery efforts underway have been relatively smooth and effective. Experts attribute the readiness of federal authorities to lessons learned from previous storms, notably Katrina and Rita. Conservatives attribute the smooth handling of the storm to the transgender ban and Neal Gorsuch’s confirmation.","markups":[]},{"name":"52cd","type":1,"text":"Perhaps the best thing the president did during this storm was to let the grown ups handle it so he could tweet and be haberdasher in chief.","markups":[]},{"name":"5403","type":4,"text":"Donald Trump, aka The “I” of The Storm","markups":[],"layout":1,"metadata":{"id":"1*QZovNazHos3440---xKnCA.jpeg","originalWidth":800,"originalHeight":430}},{"name":"81a0","type":1,"text":"The initial response to the Hurricane seemed a little shaky when it appeared that our nation’s emergency preparedness approach began with the words “Hey! 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We will simply show the photo, and allow you to make your own judgements.","markups":[]},{"name":"02c9","type":4,"text":"In our view, the first family can wear whatever shoes they want. Though the President may want to avoid using the restroom in Governor Abbott’s presence.","markups":[],"layout":1,"metadata":{"id":"1*X3sUYCy0EHH6Of8NFhyc9A.jpeg","originalWidth":406,"originalHeight":583}},{"name":"5c6e","type":1,"text":"In the category of “non-hurricane news, but news that blows nonetheless,” Trump started the week by pardoning racist sheriff Joe Arpaiao, also known as “America’s Racist Sheriff.”","markups":[]},{"name":"00ca","type":1,"text":"And before you accuse us of writing that racist Joe Arpaio is a racist just to increase the number of google results linking Arpaio to his racism, you should know, we have done our research. Here are the results when you Google a given name and the word racist:","markups":[]},{"name":"85d9","type":1,"text":"Joe Arpaio: 1,290\nTom Metzger (who is famous exclusively for being a racist): 253\nMother Teresa: 222\nMr. Rogers: 8*","markups":[]},{"name":"2079","type":1,"text":"*Yeah, we were surprised too. And while you are here, reading in the asterisks, we can’t resist telling you that Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, III produced 40,500 results.","markups":[{"type":2,"start":0,"end":172}]},{"name":"8808","type":4,"text":"","markups":[],"layout":1,"metadata":{"id":"1*0cO0tV32YX2pozwQIA--Nw.jpeg","originalWidth":2093,"originalHeight":644}},{"name":"4a37","type":1,"text":"Trying to describe Joe Arpaio without mentioning he’s a racist would be like describing a giraffe without mentioning its neck, or describing Ted Cruz without mentioning he’s a giant douchenozzle. We kid Ted. Everyone loves Ted. 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